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Men with chainsaws started standing outside my house on my day off at 6:00 A.M this morning to saw enormous limbs from the tree, which they then put into a tree grinder, or alternatively, blow up with dynamite. The leafy stuff gets both thrown into the road and stuffed in my car, which is blocked in by the tree grinder truck.

I need to get to a mailbox to pay my rent. I could walk, but I'm afraid to go outside. They are all wearing helmets, and I don't have one. I have little devil horns that I just bought for Halloween. That's the extent of head gear that I own. Well, there's also the cat ears.

Edit: They took the whole tree! There is but a stump they will later explode at 6:00 AM tomorrow morning, no doubt. I flagged down a wandering guy in a hat and asked him why he'd done such a thing.

"Had to. It wasn't safe."

"But it was just sitting there!"

He shrugged. "You want me to take that one?" He pointed toward the little one in my yard.

"What!? No. No!"

And as I went back inside, I wondered why the hell I would have the power to tell dudes to cut down trees anyway. What a sad world.


( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 2nd, 2009 11:35 pm (UTC)
Oct. 3rd, 2009 02:38 am (UTC)
That would be almost as weird a power and commanding wardens to have sex with you.
Oct. 3rd, 2009 03:17 am (UTC)
apparently i can do both.
Oct. 3rd, 2009 03:40 am (UTC)
You are a multitasker!
Oct. 3rd, 2009 02:38 am (UTC)
As, even. I am a dork.
Oct. 3rd, 2009 07:11 am (UTC)
first the tree, then your car, then your house, then...you.
Oct. 3rd, 2009 02:40 pm (UTC)
i had that very thought process during the chainsaw scenes in american psycho last night.
Oct. 3rd, 2009 04:51 pm (UTC)
aw, great minds...
Oct. 3rd, 2009 06:08 pm (UTC)
do you like phil collins? i've been a big genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, duke. before that i really didn't understand any of their work. it was too artsy, too intellectual. it was on duke where phil collins' presence became more apparent. i think "invisible touch" is the group's undisputed masterpiece. it's an epic meditation on intangibility, at the same time it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. ben, take off the robe.
Oct. 3rd, 2009 06:40 pm (UTC)
phil collins...didn't he dump his wife by fax in order to run off with a 22 year old french girl?
Oct. 3rd, 2009 06:59 pm (UTC)
listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of banks, collins and rutherford. you can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. sabrina, remove your dress. in terms of lyrical craftsmanship and sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. sabrina, why don't you dance a little?
Oct. 3rd, 2009 08:22 pm (UTC)
i dunno how he told the kids...i dont think he used a fax for them...i dunno though
Oct. 4th, 2009 12:01 am (UTC)
take the lyrics to "land of confusion." in this song, phil collins addresses the problem of abusive political authority. "in too deep" is the most moving pop song of the 1980s about monogamy and commitment. the song is extremely uplifting. their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything i've heard in rock. sabrina, get down on your knees so ben can see your asshole.

Oct. 4th, 2009 11:17 am (UTC)
"nonce, sense" was clearly the best thing he ever done.
Oct. 4th, 2009 04:27 pm (UTC)
oh, and "busted" sucked so bad.
Oct. 4th, 2009 04:27 pm (UTC)
.....so bad!
Oct. 4th, 2009 09:00 pm (UTC)
phill collins solo efforts seem to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying in a narrower way, especially songs like "in the air tonight" and "against all odds." ben, don't just stare at it. eat it.
Oct. 5th, 2009 05:12 am (UTC)
wow, turns out he was actually sleeping with the childrens nanny!
Oct. 5th, 2009 05:22 am (UTC)
but i also think that phill collins works better within the confines of the group than as a solo artist, and i stress the word artist. this is "sussudio," a great, great song, a personal favorite. don't touch the rolex.
Oct. 5th, 2009 06:34 am (UTC)
Hey that reminds me, do you know one of the main reasons why his own sister thinks he's a jerk? sussudio baby.
Oct. 6th, 2009 04:32 pm (UTC)
oh, btw, i just found this:

Phil Collins is also a p(a)edophile. I know this is a crazy accusation, but I think you'll see what I mean.

Exhibit A: the song 'You'll Be In My Heart':

For one so small / You seem so strong / My arms will hold you / Keep you safe and warm

He's clearly talking about a child here. Which wouldn't be bad, I mean, he can care about children, right? But then...

Why can't they understand / The way we feel / They just can't trust / What they can't explain


Exhibit B: trying to market himself to children and/or seem friendly to children.




Exhibit C: He is seemingly unable to stay married. While this might not seem unusual, due to the nature of famous people's marriages, with the additional evidence, I think it's highly suspect. Could it be that Collins' wives find things out they'd rather not know?

Exhibit D: In the song 'Find a Way to My Heart', Collins says:

There's a reason I hide my heart / Out of sight out of mind


you're welcome, you.
Oct. 6th, 2009 09:13 pm (UTC)
you like huey lewis and the news?
Oct. 7th, 2009 02:53 am (UTC)
I caught what you did in this thread and it's awesome.
Jun. 20th, 2012 02:55 am (UTC)
I once had an ex who stayed home sick one day while I went to work. About midday, two landscapers knocked on the door and she answered in her tiny little jimmy-jammies. They stammered for a moment until she slammed the door on them in irritation.

They proceeded to chop down every tree in the neighborhood. When I got home, she couldn't understand why they would do such a thing. I laughed for over an hour.
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )