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Put a ring on it.

Ophelia or someone in her camp felt the need to scrawl, "USA" on the tree stump. I'm not convinced she didn't have the whole tree removed solely so that she could do that. Ophelia is fast becoming my least favorite person, perhaps of all time. Depends on how much longer I have to live.

So yesterday, my sister thought it would be a good idea for us to take her kids to a roller rink. Not so much, because they mostly just sat on the bench and made faces. "I don't like skating," her daughter whined over and over again. I told her she should write a book entitled as such and could include multiple chapters on related topics, such as "I don't like brushing my teeth," and "I don't like beans," and so on. A must read.

I managed not to fall down, but the 7 year-olds who insisted on weaving in and out of my path were not so lucky. I left a trail of little kid carnage in my wake, and then couldn't help but to laugh hysterically and prolongedly every time one went down, garnering very dirty looks from all the parents. God I'm an asshole.

The music left something to be desired as well. The best song they played was Thriller, at which point they also turned off the lights. Black kids in black hoodies were no longer visible and when they darted in front of me, we all tripped and stumbled into the wall. Somehow I managed to stay upright, but did get shanked by a splinter in the wall when I collided with it. It's still in my arm.

The finale was Beyonce. It's quite a sight to see so many little kids singing "If you like it than you should've put a ring on it." Yeah, good luck with that. I'm almost 30 and no one's put a ring on it.

Comments

( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
hatchelt
Oct. 5th, 2009 05:22 am (UTC)
You dont wanna put a ring on it...you put a ring on it and then BAMN your kids are 80 and they dont even know you, you hear me?!
Um...this post doesn't make you out to be much of a child person. A tree person, yes. Child person, no.







USA
velouria
Oct. 5th, 2009 05:25 am (UTC)
i know. i think one lady was actually on the phone with child protective services when i was trying to drag my niece off the bench by her skates.

USA.
hatchelt
Oct. 5th, 2009 12:06 pm (UTC)
Oh dont worry about child protective services! If they're anything like what we have over here, you'll only get caught if you actually kill the child.
velouria
Oct. 5th, 2009 02:00 pm (UTC)
true, and they won't even hire me! i would be perfect.

USA.
jonn68
Oct. 5th, 2009 02:19 pm (UTC)
That song sums up why I can never really love Beyonce.
velouria
Oct. 5th, 2009 02:31 pm (UTC)
someone's already put a ring on it, so you don't have to.

USA.
jonn68
Oct. 5th, 2009 03:31 pm (UTC)
He's welcome to it, too.

velouria
Oct. 5th, 2009 11:50 pm (UTC)
USA.
jonn68
Oct. 6th, 2009 04:11 am (UTC)
Amurrica.
velouria
Oct. 6th, 2009 01:51 pm (UTC)
fuck yeah! bed bath and beyond! fuck yeah!
jonn68
Oct. 6th, 2009 02:44 pm (UTC)
Slavery! fuck yeah!
velouria
Oct. 6th, 2009 09:16 pm (UTC)
the alamo! fuck yeah!
bychemy
Oct. 6th, 2009 11:45 am (UTC)
Agree. I'm almost 30 too and no one's put a ring on it.
velouria
Oct. 6th, 2009 01:50 pm (UTC)
i might put a ring on you if i could tell what your gender was.
bychemy
Oct. 7th, 2009 07:11 am (UTC)
you will excuse please. I did not appear. my name is Olya, live in Russia. Unfortunately not so well know English, that easily to communicate
velouria
Oct. 7th, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC)
ah, exotic. hello.
daddylovebucket
Oct. 17th, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
Beyonce is a robot womanimal from the 7th dimension.
velouria
Oct. 17th, 2009 09:09 pm (UTC)
i disagree. beyonce is not a furry.
daddylovebucket
Oct. 17th, 2009 09:38 pm (UTC)
look closer, she has a tail.
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )