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There is no Colleen.

I'd say the worst part of the horrific drunken rampage in which I fell off the bed that IT Guy refused to have sex with me on because I was "way too wasted" (according to a later text message) was probably the fact that my house was such a mess when he was in it. NO ONE IS EVER IN MY HOUSE. And when someone finally is, there's hamster crap everywhere and Sunkist bottles in the bathtub and a sink full of shot glasses. I couldn't believe it when I woke up. Obviously I had not planned for him to be there. I don't even know how he got here, to be honest. I just have a vague memory of it playing out like the Zuul scene in Ghostbusters.

This is the post-apocalyptic shopping list I took with my violently hungover and still partially drunk ass to the store the next morning and accidentally handed to the clerk as he was ringing up my "self-respect."


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 8th, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC)
I once refused to have sex with someone for the first time because they were way too wasted.

yeah, i remember that time too.
Nov. 8th, 2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
IT guy's a fag, I would've raped you in front of the hamster and then nicked your tv on the way out.
Nov. 8th, 2009 10:29 pm (UTC)
the thought of anyone nicking that behemoth of a television is pretty hilarious.
Nov. 9th, 2009 06:21 am (UTC)
you've clearly forgotten how awesome i am
Nov. 9th, 2009 06:45 am (UTC)
you would've stayed and cuddled anyway.
Nov. 9th, 2009 07:14 am (UTC)
and then wept gently at the sound of you throwing your guts up in the bathroom
Nov. 8th, 2009 11:10 pm (UTC)
Oh, a little sweat and regret is the hallmark of most first sexual encounters.

I'm getting a mental image of you floating above your bed.
Nov. 8th, 2009 11:22 pm (UTC)
what a lovely singing voice you must have!
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )