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Get your own goddamn man.

This morning I mastered the art of administering a slutty gaze to Married Architect whilst tossing my hair over my shoulder and saying, "Hhhhiiiii." I've never managed to do both. It's always one or the other or occasionally neither, but instead a retarded stare and some Rain Man-esque mutterings.

He responded with, "Was Santa good to you this year?" and a wink. I felt dirty. I felt like Ray Liotta's other woman in GoodFellas when his crazy wife comes to the apartment he's put her up in and is hysterically smashing all the intercom buttons for the building and screaming, "THERE'S A WHORE-UH LIVING IN APARTMENT 2-R! WHORE IN 2-R!"

Meanwhile the guy I'm actually dating irritates the s out of me by constantly asking me to explain something I obviously said in jest over a text and replied to the fact that I got shoes for Christmas with a cringe-inducing, "Ooh, what do your feet look like anyway?" My feet? "I'm an amputee," I entered and flung my phone across the living room in disgust. When I finally retrieved my phone, I then had to explain to him that I am not actually an amputee.

Sigh.

Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
velouria
Jan. 6th, 2010 01:08 am (UTC)
sowhatamisoafraidof?
velouria
Jan. 6th, 2010 01:50 am (UTC)
(i'm afraid that i'm unsure of a love there is no cure for.)
jonn68
Jan. 5th, 2010 03:27 pm (UTC)
bwahahahahaha
velouria
Jan. 6th, 2010 01:08 am (UTC)
but that's an evil laugh.
jonn68
Jan. 6th, 2010 01:30 am (UTC)
Well, I'm evil for laughing at your pain, but the descriptions amused me greatly.
ba_doinger
Jan. 5th, 2010 10:14 pm (UTC)
How do you have to explain that? If he's dating you, doesn't see that you're walking on both legs? lol
velouria
Jan. 6th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
and now you've been ironical by making me explain that i don't actually have to explain that i'm not an amputee.
hatchelt
Jan. 6th, 2010 02:13 pm (UTC)
I hear you. We need people to be a little punchy, a little bit fucked up...like my good friend Owen, just the right amount of loose cannon. Less questions, more action.
Burn this sap, girl. Take him for all his got and then burn his corpse in some woods.
hatchelt
Jan. 6th, 2010 02:14 pm (UTC)
...dont make me tell you twice now...
velouria
Jan. 7th, 2010 01:32 am (UTC)
that what you do to your internet girlfriends?
velouria
Jan. 7th, 2010 05:55 am (UTC)
(*returns plane ticket*)
hatchelt
Jan. 7th, 2010 06:59 am (UTC)
I don't have any, they all died of old age, little miss hop-a-long
velouria
Jan. 8th, 2010 06:38 pm (UTC)
well i haven't any feet.
hatchelt
Jan. 8th, 2010 06:40 pm (UTC)
which is why you hop...along
velouria
Jan. 8th, 2010 06:52 pm (UTC)
oh i see. now there's a battle of wits i lost.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )