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In short.

The following is an actual conversation I had with douchebags that began congregating around my counter while I was out picking up their gold bricks from Accounting and who then refused to disband but instead steered the topic towards me when they had to upon my return:

Douchebag: Why did they write Pauline on your Starbucks cup?
Me: That's what people hear when I say my name.
Douchebag: But Co-leen doesn't sound like Pauline. *Tries unsucessfully to rhyme Co-leen with Pauline for a solid minute or so*
Me: My name is Colleen.
Douchebag: Oh that's right, you like to say Colleen.
Me: *facial tick*
Douchebag: If you said Co-leen, that wouldn't happen. *Douche congregation nods amongst themselves at this stroke of genius.*
Me: *facial tick*
Douchebag: It's just a thought.

Douchebag's phone rings and they all slowly file away. My own phone rings. I pick it up.

Me: Regs and Policy, this is Colleen.
Phoner: Hi Pauline! Maybe you can help me...

Douchebag emerges from office and shouts: Co-leen! You'll never guess what happened! A Pauline just called me! HAHAHA.

That's it. I'm honoring veterans everywhere this Veterans Day by shooting myself. I refuse to live in a world wherein the douchebag population is incapable of pronouncing a short o.

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
enolittle
May. 29th, 2010 04:24 am (UTC)
who the hell pronounces Colleen as Co-leen anyway? I've never heard anyone say your name that way.
velouria
May. 29th, 2010 05:19 am (UTC)
surprisingly, all of mankind. probably talking birds too.
hatchelt
May. 29th, 2010 11:19 am (UTC)
That's what you get for taking the piss out of my taco.
velouria
May. 29th, 2010 04:15 pm (UTC)
i'll make exceptions for foreigners from now on.
jonn68
May. 31st, 2010 05:26 pm (UTC)
No, no, you're supposed to shoot THEM, thus reducing the douchebag population.
velouria
Jun. 5th, 2010 07:18 am (UTC)
my workplace violence is limited to shooting the multicolored rubber bands i ordered on state money during fiscal crisis.
jonn68
Jun. 8th, 2010 04:58 pm (UTC)
You can always put an eye out, or something.
ba_doinger
Jun. 1st, 2010 04:12 pm (UTC)
lol I return from my trip and it seems like you're still having sitcom-worthy stories!

I bet they harass you because they like you... lol
velouria
Jun. 5th, 2010 07:16 am (UTC)
just needs a bit of i'm onto you, you lesbian guy.
ba_doinger
Jun. 5th, 2010 07:08 pm (UTC)
Oh i forgot about your partner that solves crimes! Yeah, after they bug you, he'd make an appearance with a cup of coffee just to say that and then he'd walk away...

And it's Cah-leen, right?
velouria
Jun. 5th, 2010 08:41 pm (UTC)
affirmative, mav.

and just assume from now on that all work entries end in such a manner.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )