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I'm onto you, you lesbian.

Foot Fetish keeps standing at my desk while I'm mindlessly opening and shuffling thousands of emails that protest the death penalty into various folders (the you're a barbarian folder, the I'm praying for your soul folder, the are you retarded or something? folder, etc.) and asking me if I have a "blog" online that he can read. I look over at him and he's leafing through my journal that I would be writing in were I not busy reading about what a barbaric, godless, retard I am. I snatch it from him and tell him for the thousandth time that yes, I have multiple "blogs" but that he would have to find them himself.

"Give me a hint," he whined, "are they topical?"

I turned my attention back to the lethal emails and muttered thanks to the heavens for not having slept with someone who uses the word topical.

"No, they're not. They're all me, me, me, all the time."

He pesters me a few more minutes before giving up and returning to his workstation. I'm Onto You, You Lesbian walks up and motions toward Foot Fetish. "You doing that guy yet?" When I said no, he shook his head and told me he was going to Mexico on vacation next week, and that he'd bring me back pictures of topless women on the nude beaches.



( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 26th, 2010 06:43 pm (UTC)
When I said no

Jul. 14th, 2010 04:00 am (UTC)
i'm saving myself for you or an arabic guy that straps bombs to me and sends me into the subway. whichever comes first.
Jul. 14th, 2010 06:53 am (UTC)
I've heard that arabic guy is totally ballin'
Jun. 28th, 2010 04:44 pm (UTC)
Your workplace actually has less crazy people than mine - the crazies here just hide it better.

No one ever asks me about my blogs, though, so there's that.
Jul. 14th, 2010 04:00 am (UTC)
mine make no bones about their outright assholery.
Jul. 2nd, 2010 09:30 pm (UTC)
Sounds like your next sitcom special is going to be in Mexico! You and "I'm on to you, you Lesbian" try to solve some cartel-involved case. Mexico + cartel + plus nude women = USA up all night Hilarity.
Jul. 14th, 2010 04:01 am (UTC)
i'm onto you, you lesbian on location. i like the way you think.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )