Velouria (velouria) wrote,

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Dumbass and Douchelord.

We're moving again at work. Shocking, right? I know. So I've been making some last-ditch efforts at dragging Architect into the Terrible Unisex Bathroom and having my way with him before we're so cruelly separated. Today I noticed he had his prison-friendly yellow polo shirt on ("Can't wear a tie," he'd told me, "they'll think I'm the warden. Can't wear green, they'll think I'm an officer. Can't wear blue, they'll think I'm an inmate and shoot Nerf balls at me from the tower"). I asked him where he was headed, and he said he was driving all the way to Soledad, but that they were putting him up in Monterey for the night, where it was a lovely 74 degrees as opposed to the current 108 outside the door he stood by.

"Oooh, take me with you" I said in what I considered to be a sexy-ass manner. 

He looked truly horrified. I couldn't tell if it was because some dumbass had come up behind me waving a Sorry About Your Dead Uncle card for Douchelord and ruined the moment, or because he was actually truly horrified by the concept. He left without saying anything, and I turned to grab the card from Dumbass.

"Thanks," I glared at Dumbass and looked down at the ridiculous card. What the hell am I supposed write in this? Dearest Douchelord: I am sorry your uncle died and has given you yet another excuse to go home at 9:30 AM every day and leave me with your calls. I hope this does not cause you to eat Big Macs until your stitching explodes. Love, Colleen."

I pushed the card away in disgust and began dreaming up my next exploit. I would ask him to explain the floor plan of our new building to me because he's an architect and I'm just a sexy secretary and I don't understand these types of things. While he's describing how my cubicle faces due south, I'll run my fingers along his. He'll look down at our hands and then I'll bring my fingers to his lips like Ssshh, and then he'll carry me off to the Terrible Unisex Bathroom where we bone. Very romantic comedy. I just have to keep Dumbass and Douchelord at bay.
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