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Shiny Happy People Holding Hands.

He's too happy and is always smiling. I attempt to rectify this by either physically pulling his lips into frowny compliance or continuously talking about feline AIDS. Alas, he says the smiling is impossible to prevent because I'm the reason for it. I asked why, and he shrugged. Unsatisfied with this response, I pressed further.

"I like you," he said, looking at me like I'm crazy (which I am).

"But why?"

"Because you're hot and you like me?"

What? No. That is not a sufficient answer and certainly not adequate enough reason to enter into a relationship. I took his chin and pressed his mouth together in that really painful fish face my mother used to inflict on me when I was 8 and complained of my shoes being 3 sizes too small.

"You must make a list of reasons you like me," I demanded. He wiggled out of my grip and laughed.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

Sitting there on the couch, I got him to come up with a few things such as a mutual lack of respect for vegetables and an ability to banter in a sarcastic manner. He was supposed to complete this list by Saturday, but I have given him an extension since he's making a conscious effort to smile less. I'm Onto You, You Lesbian called me and weighed in on the situation last week when I'd caught him up. His suggestion was that I "stop being a huge bitch."

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
velouria
Mar. 21st, 2011 11:51 pm (UTC)
Fine, fine. That's two votes for quit being a bitch.
(Deleted comment)
velouria
Mar. 23rd, 2011 12:59 pm (UTC)
You're throwing away your vote.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )