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What the Hell.

It all started when Avril Lavigne's What the Hell came on my Last.fm and I turned it up to a reasonable volume and headed to the bathroom to blow dry my hair. The next thing I know, someone's wailing on my bedroom wall.

"What the hell?" I said, knowing full well what the hell. I headed to the laundry room to greet the wall assailant. I knew who it was. I knew what was happening. I opened the door.

"WOULD YOU TURN DOWN YOUR FUCKING MUSIC," Ophelia, though she stands 4 foot 11, managed to get in my face.

I envisioned ripping off my shoes and latching onto her hair as we roll about the laundry room, crashing through the backdoor and onto the lawn in an indistinguishable ball of cheetah print and press-on nails like an episode of Mob Wives. Instead, I stood calmly and said yes, I would turn down my (fucking) music. "I thought you went to bed early and go to work at -"


"I'M RETIRED NOW."

Oh great, fabulous. You're retired now. All Ophelia, all the time. 24/7 Ophelia. Ophelia, no vacancy. Ophelia. Ophelia. Ophelia.

She eventually mumbled that she was sorry, so I mumbled that I was sorry, although I still don't quite grasp what I'm sorry for. I don't understand who doesn't want to hear residual Avril Lavigne at 7:30 in the morning.

Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
hatchelt
May. 25th, 2011 06:06 am (UTC)
Missed a golden opportunity to start singing said song at Ophelia whilst dancing around in front of her in nothing but knickers and a vest top with hair brush microphone, only for Ophelias cold veneer to soften, leaving her to dance and sing with you by the end of the song, finishing with hugs and high-fives.
velouria
May. 25th, 2011 01:22 pm (UTC)
I prefer the Mob Wives scenario.
enolittle
May. 25th, 2011 06:16 pm (UTC)
If she's awake and doing laundry, what difference does it make if you have music playing??
velouria
May. 25th, 2011 11:47 pm (UTC)
Oh no, she rose and went into our shared laundry room to confront me.
enolittle
May. 26th, 2011 01:00 am (UTC)
She has way too much time on her hands.
velouria
May. 26th, 2011 02:44 pm (UTC)
Understatement of the year.
ba_doinger
May. 25th, 2011 08:46 pm (UTC)
You need to take a picture of this lady and all the characters you write about lol...or at least draw them!
velouria
May. 25th, 2011 11:47 pm (UTC)
for you:

hatchelt
May. 26th, 2011 05:31 am (UTC)
needs to work on those biceps
velouria
May. 26th, 2011 02:45 pm (UTC)
So she can knock my ass out? *I* need to work on my biceps.
ba_doinger
May. 26th, 2011 03:38 pm (UTC)
I feel so honored! She looks likes a ghostly feminine Rosie O'Donnell. Now do "I'm on to you, you Lesbian!"
velouria
May. 26th, 2011 11:56 pm (UTC)
He's a bit tougher to artistically render.
ba_doinger
May. 27th, 2011 03:09 am (UTC)
One day I'm going to draw what i imagine him to look like...
(Deleted comment)
velouria
May. 26th, 2011 11:49 pm (UTC)
OMG you're right. She does.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )