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Boring and Natalya.

I don't go outdoors anymore unless it's to go to work, so my stories will be limited lately. Until I make a full recovery from camping, anyway. Indoors, I see a lot of Natalya, I.T. Guy's beautiful girlfriend. She used to work at one of the buildings I.T. Guy and I worked together in, but apparently she's followed me downtown. I always crash into her exiting the freight elevator and she smiles at me smugly, thinking, "You unkempt drunk in flip flops that my now-boyfriend refused to sleep with. Haha." At least that's what I assume she's thinking. She was at the party that night, and I don't know what else a smile like that could reflect. She'll then see me later in the day when my hair has dried in an unbelievably bad manner and smile an even smuggier smile. On the days that I look amazing, where is Natalya to be found? Nowhere. Oooh, I don't like being around Natalya.

One morning, I vowed to both look amazing and crash into smug Natalya outside the freight elevator, so I spent an inordinate time straightening my 'fro with my new straightener. While checking out the underwhelming results in the mirror, I noticed what appeared to be a tick on the back of my neck. I calmly ripped it off my person and quickly consulted my sister on the matter.

"I'm going to die of Lyme Disease now," I complained over the phone, "I bet it's been on me since camping."

"I don't think Lyme Disease kills you right away," she answered, "It makes you sluggish and insane first."

We both paused, thinking the same thing, which is that clearly I've been suffering from Lyme Disease for a long time in that case. About 29 years.

It just figures I'm going to die slow and painfully. I could be in Heaven right now, but no. Why should my death suck any less than my life?

Comments

( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
hatchelt
Jul. 4th, 2011 04:57 am (UTC)
It's funny you should say that, because I had some mad leech/tick/thing attached to me for a while...about 8 years actually...damn near killed me...until the divorce! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, UNTIL THE DIVORCE! GET IT?! AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..............im so lonely.
velouria
Jul. 4th, 2011 11:05 pm (UTC)
:|
hatchelt
Jul. 5th, 2011 05:54 am (UTC)
pfft, tough crowd...but seriously, my ex-wife had this weird fetish...she'd basically dress up as herself and act like a bitch all day. BOOM-TISH

velouria
Jul. 5th, 2011 01:07 pm (UTC)
Alright, that's funny.
hatchelt
Jul. 5th, 2011 02:15 pm (UTC)
...i nicked it from someone else :/
(Deleted comment)
velouria
Jul. 4th, 2011 11:06 pm (UTC)
Star Trek is a symptom of Layme Disease.
(Deleted comment)
velouria
Jul. 4th, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)
Medical Dictionary says so, sorry.
ba_doinger
Jul. 9th, 2011 11:53 pm (UTC)
OH NO! Did you really have a tick on you? Damn, that camping trip sounded hellish...

Also, I suggest you draw a pic of Natalya - since your last picture was so cool!
velouria
Jul. 10th, 2011 12:25 am (UTC)
She's not as exotic as she sounds, and thus no fun to draw. Just your classic good looking Russian chick.
ba_doinger
Jul. 10th, 2011 12:38 am (UTC)
When I think of "classic good looking Russian chick," I think of that Elton John Music video Nikita... I don't even remember if the lady in the video was even that hot.
velouria
Jul. 10th, 2011 12:47 am (UTC)
*Googles* Haha. Yeah, that's basically her without the furry hat. Although that chick is probably not Russian without her furry hat.
ba_doinger
Jul. 10th, 2011 12:52 am (UTC)
She's more generic 80s model...probably also played bass in Robert Palmer's videos.
velouria
Jul. 10th, 2011 12:58 am (UTC)
I think I'll dress up like a Palmer Girl on Monday and give Natalya a run for her money outside the freight elevator.
ba_doinger
Jul. 10th, 2011 01:32 am (UTC)
You could also dress up as Elton John and scare her away...
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )