Velouria (velouria) wrote,

Songs from the Big Chair.

Doing some annual internet stalking and found my ex-internet boyfriend to be married. I said, "Oh," aloud and looked away from the picture of them kissing and toward the open window, vacantly. Look at that. He fits in the parameters of what's normal. Getting married at 30 and shit. Probably having kids now. Look at that. I shut off my dumb webcam and pushed away from my computer desk and ambled into my tiny living room to sit on the couch and stare at the muted Kim Kardashian's Wedding Extravaganza.

I eventually picked myself up and went to Bath & Body Works where the employee girl descended upon me like a vulture to spray Paris Amour on me. I squirmed out of her energy and hurried to the Halloween rack where she followed me. There were only little ghost-shaped hand sanitizers left. The pathetic Halloween rack was eclipsed by all the Christmas merchandise. "It's October" I whined to her as she held a sugarplum perfume out toward me, "It's Halloween."

Confused by my attitude, she finally left me. I felt overwhelmed with sadness standing amid the Christmas-themed wonderland of soaps and lotions. I left and stood outside in the sun, squinting at the adjacent Chipotle. Should I eat? In the void of not drinking, eating and shopping are my favorite things to do. It's only 11:30, I decided, looking down at my furry boots. Should I shop? I do need new glasses, I thought, but knew they wouldn't bring me any happiness. Sure, I could see at night without fastening little pieces of plastic to my eyeballs, but that isn't going to make me particularly happy.

I did accept a promotion at work yesterday. It's in Personnel. Another building. Another shot to make friends and do something, anything, that doesn't involve regulations (which interpret and make specific statutes).  I won't be in the same building as Natalya any longer. Won't have to fantasize about pushing her and her friends over like dominoes each day. That should make me happy.

I'll let you know.
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