-Katie Holmes. She has an "adorable snaggletooth." I set out Googling this tooth at work (I don't have time at home due to my rich social life) and when I clicked on a picture I found a suitable illustration of such tooth, it came up banned. Reason: PORNOGRAPHY. Oh for fuck's sake. What a good time will be had by all when I try to explain that I was not looking at pornography, but rather Katie Holmes' snaggletooth for jealousy purposes.
-Krysten Ritter. I don't think he knows he likes her, but he asked me ten times who she while I was reading an Us magazine that featured an ad for her show. I DON'T KNOW, I snapped, lying so that he wouldn't go look her up.
-Zooey Deschanel. I have no proof of this, but he watches New Girl an awful lot.
-Katy Perry. I love her makeup and wigs, while he is most likely partial to her enormous bosom.
-The girl hanging out of the skyroof of her limo with her perfect boobies flying around outside a San Jose Shark's Game. "Look at that!" he exclaimed, reaching past my nose to point. Yes, look at that.
I think perhaps the energy I put into Googling Katie Holme's snaggletooth has manifested itself into Hoof and Mouth disease. Hopefully meditation class and/or therapy can help me channel this energy elsewhere. Like into my boobs.