Sometimes I don't want to go to spiritual class. Sometimes I want to stay home and eat Country Crock for dinner and believe that we're all going to end up worm food when we die. I don't believe that, but sometimes it's more comforting thinking this will all just end and I'll never have to face it again. No tunnels and life reviews and reunions.

Lately I'm going through a rough time (can you tell?) and I have several close friends who've been trying to cheer me up. They tell me all these wonderful things about myself and how beautiful I am inside and out and what a unique perspective I have and what a fantastic sense of humor and so forth. It's really touching. But it's making me realize that I never hear that from the one person I really need to hear that from.

Because I don't think he feels that way. And it's not his fault. And it's not that he isn't capable of feeling that way about someone.

...But it isn't me.