Velouria (velouria) wrote,


Okay, now I have real, first-world problems and not just esoteric pants-pissing ones. I have six gaping holes in my mouth that HURT. I can't open my mouth past a little blow-up doll "O," but I can't shut it past one either. I have a single day off work to recover and then it's back to the trenches. Sure the trenches are a cubicle where I sit and procure gas masks and rebar, but nevertheless, I do have to answer the phone which requires opening my mouth past blow-up doll status.

I'm trying to survive off Ibuprofen and not Norco, because Norco makes me stupid and sleepy and I am usually already that at work. What if I press a button and order twice the rebar and gas masks off public tax funds?! WHAT. IF.

I get my braces put on the 26th, and in the meantime, I can't eat shit. I've been letting various Jamba Juices melt overnight and then drinking them through my little blow-up hole whilst weeping softly. That's harder than it sounds.

The worst part of all of this is that it was self-inflicted. My brother has two pacemakers. Not something he asked for. I requested that I be knocked out and have six teeth pried from my face. You know, the funny part was although they took all my baby teeth I've been hanging on to for 31 years, they didn't take my two fangs. I've still got my fangs for what it's worth.
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