I've been wanting to drink again. It sounds like in the only thing in the world right now I could do that would be fun. If I didn't think I'd drunk drive, I might drink myself to death. Cause, who cares. I don't care anymore. I don't care about the supposed hole I'd leave in everyone's life. I just don't care. I don't believe anything or one has benefited from my existence. Friends, family, lovers, no. It only looks like it would matter because I rent a place and have a job. Sometimes I feel like giving that up and laying down on the pavement. No one cares about homeless people. They have nothing to lose. I'm tired of pretending like I have something to lose. I'm so tired.