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The Crying Game

Wednesday I asked the new girl, whom I'd been training, how she was doing and she burst into heaving sobs. She wept (very loudly) that she had never been so miserable in all her life. Dumbstruck, I made futile efforts to comfort her unil all the other, lesser socially retarded women rushed over. Trapped in the chair beside her by a crush of chicks, I patted her shoulder and said "there there" until I could wiggle out and back away slowly.Turns out she simply hates the work something fierce and longs to go back to her old department. Our manager told her she could and promptly began calling up people to interview for her position. Before they filled her cubicle, I asked her quietly if it was the people. No, she assured me, just the work. Not sure why I thought she'd tell me if she hated me, but there's that.

No one had forced her to lead steering committees, demanded she pull policy out of her ass, or snatched her Hello Kitty journal away from her, I pondered, shuddering as I remembered my time in Person(h)ell. I had not dressed in ostrich feathers and moved her to a closet after telling her Analyst positions were never made for college dropouts and that I was sorry I had not administered a Microsoft Excel exam before hiring her.  I twirled around in my shit chair that hurts my back (that no one has done anything about, BTW) and wondered if she still felt like I had in Person(h)ell. Obviously she did, or she wouldn't be weeping. I squinted and surrounded her in the white light of the Holy Spirit as I'd been instructed in psychic class so long ago and wished her luck in returning to her old department. 'Cause it would sure be awkward if she had to stay.