Velouria (velouria) wrote,
Velouria
velouria

Our Summer Turned to Fall

My wedding fell through due to my other half not wanting a wedding. No photographer, he said. No dinner, no this, no that, no anything. No friends, no family. So no wedding. He says I just wanted a wedding irregardless of who I'm marrying, which is not true. I say he's shitting all over my dreams, but whatever, right? I can't tell him any of this because I'm "complaining," so I guess I'll just continue to complain on the Internet. Don't give me shit for complaining on the Internet, then.

I had told the girls at work and even mailed out flower n skulls Save-the-Date to *my* friends and family (wasn't allowed to do his) and, as written about, tried on a few floofy ballgowns in front of my sisters and sent my bridesmaids a few domineering emails about when and where to be. So that's my wedding experience for this life.

I've been frequenting a Spiritual Institute, which happens to be located a couple streets away, since this all went down. I'm taking some class on loving yourself and your body or some shit, which has always been difficult for me. Especially lately. I have trichotillomania, a self-mutilating, obsessive-compulsive pull-out-your hair sort of dealy that I've been inflicted with since I was 11. I do it off and on, but when stressed, go apeshit with it. Recently, I pulled out the whole crown of my head and couldn't stop doing it when I got home from work in the evenings. No parting or combing over could help, so I went to the bathroom one evening and shaved it all off with my shitty pink Venus razor.

It's more difficult than you might think and hurt like a bitch given all the damage I'd already done to my scalp. "What have I done?" I channeled 2007 Britney as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Definitely not getting married now.

But it's been a couple weeks and my head is almost fuzzy now. I haven't pulled any of it out and I don't plan to ever again. Kind of like I don't drink booze any longer. Like that.

Wigs are hot and sucky, and when combined with my Kabuki makeup, result in me looking like more of a dragqueen than I already might have. So I can't wait for it to grow out to a socially acceptable length. Not sure when the shit that will be.

No, I haven't been promoted either and I don't think I ever will be there, as I don't kiss ass and attend annual BBQs. Gee, it's like I'm off my lifepath or something. I am taking a spirtual healing class next month, as I'm always told I'm a healer by every psychic, evar. Maybe people will pay me to perform Reiki voodoo on them someday.

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