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Motorway to Roswell

I feel like I am legit losing my shit more and more with each passing day. The thing is though, having already shaved my head bald, there's not much else to do in the way of losing my shit aside from ripping off my wig and running down my street screaming or @ing Drake on Twitter and telling him to murder my vagina (if I'm going with a more indoor route).

In the name of trying to get, but never being promoted, I let them send me on a 'roof walk' with a bunch of constructiony dudes at a prison in Stockton. As I climbed the ladder up the roof of a prison, my wig wipping around my face threatening to blow into the sky, I wondered how I'd gotten to this point in my life.

"You're doing great, Coll!" some guy yelled from the ground. I turned to look down at him through tangles of faux hair and immediately wished I had not. Oh God, I'm going to die, I told myself as I clutched the rungs. I turned back around and pressed my face into the building, leaving a smear of makeup.

I didn't die, I made it onto the roof and back down the roof and eventually all the way back to Sacramento into my cubicle where I'm WAY underpaid. I sat back in my chair grumbling and opened my email to find I'd congruently been assigned several clock and binocular orders to mark someone in the Department retiring and pummeling toward their own death.

"God damn it," I muttered and immediately felt Jesus Guy's eyes on my back.

I would have gone to Taco Bell at that point and gotten cheesy fiesta potatoes to escape into, but it was motherfucking 108 degrees outside and the air conditioner had crapped out in my car. I can't possibly describe to you the firey pits of hell-esque conditions of driving home on the highway alongside big rigs and oil tankers with my wig and my makeup and padded bra suffocating every part of my body. It feels like my tiny Toyota will ignite in flames right there, and I will combust having not even been the receipient of a clock or binoculars.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Colleen Rice
Aug. 6th, 2016 01:17 pm (UTC)
Every time that song comes on, there is some douche going the speed limit in front of me and it's so frustrating.
Aug. 6th, 2016 02:17 am (UTC)
How long is your hair? Is it like Negasonic Teenage Warhead from Deadpool?

If so, you should totally own it! I had sparkly eyes when she would come out in the movie...somewhere Chris Hansen is going to have a long talk with me...
Colleen Rice
Aug. 6th, 2016 01:21 pm (UTC)
It is about that length, yes. But that chick, I am not. I look very...special.

She's named after a badass Monster Magnet song, too. Nice. ...Maybe I will own it and call myself Space Lord (their best song).

Edited at 2016-08-06 01:28 pm (UTC)
Aug. 6th, 2016 03:04 pm (UTC)
Space Lord is the only song I know from them...hmm, I know nothing about them.

lol I'm sure you don't look special!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )