HELLO, I typed loudly and rudely, pausing only to dry heave, I CAN NOT PRINT TO PDF, HELLO. IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS SINCE 10 AM, HELLO.
I said HELLO in caps and even italics a few more times and no one answered, ever. I didn't get to print to PDF all day and thus could not possibly be productive, and so I was not. I went to torrid.com on my phone and looked @ thunderwear for a few hours and then sat in my car drinking Slimfast and journaling.
When I finally got home, I noticed the vents blowing random air despite no heat or A/C going. I held my thumbs over my phone, wondering if Landlady would curse me out like she had when I told her the porch light wasn't working. WELL JESUS CHRIST KNOWS HOW MUCH THAT'S GOING TO COST ME, she had shittexted me. What the fuck, I had thought angrily. Victor the Handyman had just bought the cheapest, shittiest, third world porch light he could find @ Home Depot when the other on had blown up in his face, and she was still bitching. Jesus Christ does not know or care how much the porch light costs you lady, I am pretty sure.
Sis is vacaying in Portland without me @ the end of the month. I would like to see Portland, but only via airplane and a condo, which is not how Sis travels. She insists on driving the 10 plus hours of twisty roads in a Kia Rondo while I puke fig newtons and Mt. Dew in a bag, and then hangs her hat in the Bates motel @ the end of the night. I require @ least a mini fridge to put my fig newtons and Mt. Dew in, and I will NOT sleep in a hostel with OTHER PEOPLE. I do draw the line @ other people in all areas of my life.
Oh, I had a near death experience last week when my pastel plastic cactus caught fire. Regretably, I did not see any white light or dead relatives. Speaking of my complete disregard for life, I received a you're-not-wearing-your-seatbelt, you dumbass ticket from another total dick cop the other day. I cried genuine tears and told him I would be kicked off my insurance with the word Farm in it and be forced to go to something embarrassing that advertises on daytime television, but he so did not give a shit.
I had vowed not to get ticketed in 2017, but I guess this was trumped by my laissez faire attitude toward self-preservation.