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Mornings with the Lord

Every day Doreen Virtue emails me for some reason. Not sure how that happened. Anyway, today she said I could spend mornings with the Lord for the low price of $39.99.

Aren't mornings with the Lord free? I mean I like the pic, though he seems slightly overdressed for the beach.

I just came back from getting coffee from a hut and I have to pass a church and a popular mimosas and brunch joint to get there. So then I look at all the families in church and the young, hip profeshes at the mimosa joint and deem myself a failure at life before I have even gotten back to my house with my lemon bread. I shouldn't be eating lemon bread anyway, because I am fat. I am so tired of being fat, but like my Mom pointed out while I was raging out on her via email one day, I refuse to commit to making any changes I need in life.

I hate being fat so much. I hate my psychotic haircut so much. I wish it would grow down and not up. Yesterday I put some Suavecita in it trying to tame it, but just ended up looking like a guy that kills prostitutes in Wisconscin instead of my usual fat Robert Smith. If it would grow down and cover my ears, I might have a fighting chance at looking pretty again. I guess I'll keep not pulling it out and taking Biotin. And Silica. And Gelatin.

I get so depressed about it and my inability to *do* anything about it, I just want to lay down and sleep it away. That doesn't burn calories.

They say you become what your subconscious believes you are or deserve on a...subconscious level. That your mind is just the greatest of all computers and it's programed like the opening credits in the Matrix. I have tried so hard to reprogram it. To wipe it's harddrive clean. Therapy, counseling, pills, affirmations, hypnosis. But I guess my subconscious still believes I'm a piece of shit.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 15th, 2017 06:33 pm (UTC)
No, no, no. YOU'RE not a piece of shit. Doreen Virtue is a pos for pimping the Lord out for $39.99!

There is nothing wrong with lemon cake. All things in moderation. An old friend in high school used to have the motto: 'Remember the rule of Not Too Much.'

And that goes for too much impatience. Things happen at their own speed. Hair grows about half an inch a month, and that's more than you would think, and if a person loses weight too quickly, it's unhealthy, so people should do it slowly but surely anyway.

Like President Kennedy said: “According to the ancient Chinese proverb, A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”

Oct. 15th, 2017 06:53 pm (UTC)
Re: Oi!
Lemon cake + white raspberry mocha is probably wrong, though.

Thanks for your kind words, Rob Zombie. I think you could possibly make a good Jesus too (like Barry Gibb, but w/ a harder edge).
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )