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XXX-Mas

I went to the Christmas party anyway with a sugar shimmer lipbalm kit in a pink sparkly bag that ended up in the hand's of the office personality-less dyke She looked at it with flat affect before shrugging and sitting back down in her pantsuit. I chose Jewish Guy's gigantic Nerf guns, which I later tried to give to my boyfriend for his son, but he has an anti-gun policy, apparently. What about the 2nd amendment and shit? What if King George bursts into his house? He will need to be armed with a Nerf gun that shoots styrofoam darts up to 4 miles away with hurricane force. Or so the box says.

I keep getting notifcations of comments in this thing, and when I go to see who is expressing their interest in my memoirs, I see links to galleries of "beefy tits." What? Who has "beefy tits" and who enjoys looking at them? Not me. Not my vast audience. So please take your beefy tit advertisements elsewhere.

I guess people are still getting sexually harrassed by Kevin Spacey and Melanie Martinez. Some girl that is now a guy but has beefy tits, I guess, said Melanie touched these beefy tits while they were sleeping together and he/she just didn't know what to do with him/herself about the matter! He/She's been running it by the general public and the consensus is that Melanie Martinez is his rapist who should be stripped of her two-toned pastel wigs and Hot Topic merchandise as a result.

Although widely considered a libtard, I must split with my brethren on this issue. If Melanie Martinez rubs your titties or pokes you in the vajeej with her mint-colored dildo while you're in bed with her, you are not a victim. You are lucky.

If I took to Twitter with an exposé every time something was put in my unassuming ass, I would not even have time to procure or enjoy virtual yule logs.