Today I went out into the storm to get sustenance from Raley's. And not the new nearby Raley's either, becuase it is terrible. It is supposed to look like a Sprouts or Whole Foods or one of those places where you can only buy foods that are made from almonds. Blurgh.
So I drove through the harrowing wind and rain down Folsom Boulevard to get to an old-school Raley's where they still sell things I'm not supposed to eat that probably give me kidney stones. I had them over Thanksgiving, beeteedubs. Kidney stones. And they were so awful, I drove myself to the nearest Catholic hospital at 2:00 AM and asked the intake lady to inject me with something lethal. "WHY YOU CRYING?" she snapped at me as she scanned my insurance card and dumped a litany of forms to be completed in my lap. I murmered that "it hurts" and "I don't want to live anymore" while I tried to remember which drug it was that I was allergic to that had blown my lips up outside a Med 7 Urgent Care one night. "WHAT?" she glared at me.
Mercifully, the doctors and nurses who cared for me the 3 days I was admitted were more pleasant. Even the one I projectile vommed potroast and Norcos on after developing a migraine fueled by caffeine withdrawal. A chaplain who was under the impression that I was dying, I guess, came by and offered me a bible and left a card with a prayer by St. Francis. It didn't occur to me until discharge time that I might have acted a little saner to avoid being relocated to psych ward. I started weeping again when I was informed that I shouldn't have parked in the garage lest I wanted to pay hundreds of dollars to get out of it. The nice nurse wrote me a note for the toll-guy and they let me out free of charge.
But now, here I sit eating orange chicken from the Raley's Sizzlin Wok that is probably so high in sodium it could kill me on a bad day. It's not a bad day though. I *do* have to go back to work tomorrow after a few days off over the new year. I hesitantly logged into my work email this morn and was relieved to find that not an awful lot had gone on in my absence that I'll have to deal with upon my return. Just several hundred emails about a blood drive I'm always deemed too gross to participate in going on in a "bloodmobile" in the parking lot.
I *have* made a deal with the DMV and my fam to donate my dead self to science and to anyone who may need my organs (if they are not also deemed to gross for distribution). I figure I will probably end up in that travelling dead body science circus that makes the rounds every summer or so. I just hope I do not retain any resemblance to my former self so that randos attending will look up and go, "I think I remember her from Long's Drugs."
Ah, Longs Drugs. My legacy.