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March 9th, 2014

Klonopin Cookies

I get migraines. I have all my life. I remember coming down with them in first grade around math time and twisting and turning in my seat trying not to puke up the My Little Pony thermos full of warm milk I'd just consumed. I was successful, but I retained no knowledge of math, which haunts me to this day. Especially in my line of mathy procurement work.

Flash forward 25 years. Every morning I wake up to the sounds of the hounds of the Baskervilles behind me wooing and barking and carrying on as if no on has paid them attention, ever. This includes weekends. WTF lady, why do you have dogs? So you can put them in the backyard and torture both them and your neighbors? Fuck you. I've decided to roll up my Klonopin pills in some cookie dough and hurl it over the fence. They will then calm down. I might as well, because I can't take Klonopin anymore, at least not on weeknights. Getting up and driving the next morning might as well be like driving asleep. I bought a whole new pack of hubcaps for the fiftieth time in my life only to discover that I'd bent my rim irreversibly when driving up on that median and no hubcap will fit on it. Well crap.

I need to lose weight again. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I guess not stuffing McGridles in my face each morning could have a positive effect. Everyone in East Sac rides bikes and runs by my window. I could try that, I do have a bike. And it's not like they're running with any effort, it's more to show off their running clothes than anything else. I have running clothes somewhere. I refuse to hold my arms up to my chin like they do though. We'll see.