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August 11th, 2019

August and Everything After

I'm going to *try* not to dwell on the fact that the last week fuckin blew or that today, I was stood up at a coffee place in midtown by a total pussy of a douchebag. I have never stood anyone up in my life, nor has that ever happened to me. You couldn't just cancel? I bought myself a 'Kerouac' (soda and espresso) and waited patiently by the window against the squeaky wall cushion the entire 15 minutes I was early, and the following 20 minutes after I had texted him that I was there. By the way, this was not my idea, or my suggestion that we meet. I gave the shop back their glass, deleted his number and my profile, and walked back to my car.
I could celebrate the fact that I have not had a headache lately. I don't know why. I guess it's because I've been trying to drink more water and that the once blistering weather has cooled down a bit. I can sit on the bench outside work on my lunches, or in the evenings on my front porch and feel the breeze in my...wig.

Easier said than done, but I think I will not solicit anyone into my life (or be solicited) until my hair grows in and my finances are not so upsidedown. It is lonely in my world, but it's lonelier at the coffee shop waiting for a turd, after having spent what I had for gas money on my own beverage.

I wanted to see James Van Praagh, the medium, at the end of this month. He is in Sac doing an 'Evening of Spirit' with audience members. I wanted to hear that Bobby and Matt can still hear me when I address them in all the fat little birds that linger on the cable wire outside my bedroom window in the mornings. I wanted to, but I don't have the fun money. Maybe they still read my journal here.

If so...I miss you both.