I was very lonely-ly wandering around Target having nothing else to do with my life but desperately attempt to buy happiness with money I don't have on stuff like brown furry suede jackets and purple polka dotted pencil holders, when I was stopped by a very foreign (but origins indistinguishable) man and his infant son (presumably not kidnapped) who ordered me to "say hi!" to the infant. I complied and was stared at blankly by the infant curmudgeon. The man attempted to coerce the boy into saying hi to me for a few seconds till I said "bye!" equally as enthusiastically and went my merry way. But he was having none of it. "You wan hold my son?" he said. "Wha?" I said. "You wan my son?" ... "Do I want him?" "Yeah, uh huh." I said "No thanks" and ran to hide behind the display of plastic jackolanterns. He looked angered at that point. Aren't you supposed to pick up on chicks with puppies and not your human offspring? Especially when its mother is a few aisles back looking at toasters. Or maybe the child had a bomb strapped to him. I guess I should have taken the kid. I might be able to provide a better life for him, by not offering him up to Target patrons at least.