I was outfitted in a plaid skirt and knee-high socks, and was beating the shit out of demons for hours upon hours in my high school English class with what looked like Jessica Simpson's husband at my side. I assume it's that guy from Angel. Anyway, this was traumatizing. I don't ever want to be asleep again and sleep was my previous favorite activity.
I'm going to have to get over it though, because being awake isn't going any better. I left a little early on my way to work today to get a burrito from Taco Bell so I wouldn't faint on my shift. All was going well until the entire bottom of the burrito dropped out releasing its contents of mild sauce, sour cream, and beans on my lap while I sat at the light, stunned.
When customers weren't commenting on the fact that it seemed I'd been knifed in the crotch, they said such things as "You must be cold-blooded."
I stopped bagging her mandarin oranges and held them in mid air, simply staring at her vacantly. I couldn't fathom what it was she had meant by that, or could have possibly driven her to say such a thing. The drugstore around me became a sea of old people, and her oranges an abstract object slowing dragging down my arm.
"It's so cold. And you're wearing that little shirt."
I am reptilian everyone. Didn't you know?