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You say it's your birthday.

Err. Thanks for informing me. I could have sworn it was September 3rd though. But what do I know about my date of birth. It's nice of you to point out I'm getting older. Five months earlier than I'm supposed to, actually. And on top of that you're insinuating that I am going to DIE with your cheerful life insurance offerings. If you had even a remote inkling of how badly I drive, what kinds of food I live on, and how many times a day I want to take my own life, you might not be so quick to insure my ass.

Thanks Brian. Previously I have only enjoyed my birthdays with the eerie suspicion that I had made the wrong decision lurking in the back of my mind. Thank God that's over.


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 14th, 2004 01:43 am (UTC)
Isn't it fun being just another number in their database?
Mar. 14th, 2004 01:46 am (UTC)
and a wrong number at that.
Mar. 14th, 2004 01:51 am (UTC)
That always did wonders for my ego.

Added, and misinformed

Mar. 14th, 2004 08:49 am (UTC)
another ironic slap for colleen.
Mar. 14th, 2004 10:47 pm (UTC)
now in mail form. maybe next up I'll get an ironic telegram.
Mar. 15th, 2004 04:17 am (UTC)
do they still have those?
Mar. 15th, 2004 10:56 pm (UTC)
I think so. I dunno. There's a business by my house entitled "Stripograms" So there must be.
Mar. 16th, 2004 12:20 am (UTC)
erm. that sounds dirty. i bet it is. send a stripper to a friends house to say your message. hehe.
Mar. 14th, 2004 12:41 pm (UTC)
Dear elderly spintster,

Can you feel the icy spectre of death hovering over your shoulder? His cold talons caressing your frail bones? Trust us, he's there, and there's nothing you can do about it. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. It may be too late to prevent your immortal soul from being dragged kicking and screaming into the black void of the afterlife, but with our easy life insurance policy, your last breath can be a laugh, knowing your good for nothing children (who never visited you once after shuffling you off into that godawful retirement home) will get $50,000 to cover funeral expenses, plane tickets to Rio, and a second speed boat. Oh the delicious irony. Still, what else are you going to do with your money? Give it to charity, or cancer research? Ha! Don't make us laugh. Just sign on the dotted line, bucko, and we'll try to make your ending merciful and quick.

Signed-- Brian A. Smith.
Mar. 14th, 2004 10:43 pm (UTC)
and by the way, happy birthday.
Mar. 23rd, 2004 10:27 am (UTC)
Don't be crazy. If you kill yourself they're not gonna pay squat. Now, because I am a complete stranger; I will allow you to put me down as your beneficiary so that when you "accidently" stumble into the fireplace, after exfoliating with gasoline, you can rest assured that your physical remains will be properly taken care of; paper or plastic?
Mar. 23rd, 2004 12:14 pm (UTC)
Pffft. Only I may threaten to kill myself in my journal.
Mar. 23rd, 2004 12:20 pm (UTC)
Whoa! I only kill dead people. Any who...
Mar. 27th, 2004 11:25 pm (UTC)
haha. that's the best icon ever.
Mar. 28th, 2004 11:33 am (UTC)
Its not even icon sized tho.
Apr. 1st, 2004 12:00 am (UTC)
um lol hey i saw you off the LJ serial stalker thing

so i decided to stop by and say hi ^^

Apr. 1st, 2004 01:53 pm (UTC)
okay. hi.
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )