I just nonchalantly gazed at the uploads file on BearShare to see what joy I was imparting unto fellow pirates and I was not amused.

I didn't realize I had pictures in the shared folder. There's one Scott sent me a few years ago entitled "me being gang-banged" that has been downloaded approximately a quarter of a trillion times. I'm sorry, Scott. Of course, Scott is not actually being gang banged in the photo. It's that same photo that young drunken men everywhere seem to take of their buddies standing behind them whilst they bend over (fully clothed). I'm sure this is a bitter disappointment to perverted BearShare patrons everywhere. Also seeing a lot of action is the (fully clothed) avi I made of myself waving at my webcam to my then boyfriend jokingly entitled "porno."

Now Scott and I can never run for American Idol. Or we can. But when the two of us get to the finals, we will both be heartlessly removed for soliciting lewd material on the internet to the outrage of our legions of adoring fans. Some other complete douchebag will win by default. This is upsetting. My dreams are dashed.