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Nobody's walkin.

My latest pastime is to type "asshole" into Flickr and read all the captions on the pictures of people parking like assholes. It lead me to i park like an idiot.com, which I plan to contribute to. I started this morning with my newly acquired camera phone before attempting to back out of my space for a half hour:




What you do not see here is the 5 miles of open terrain to Asshole's left, and the pole to my right that basically resides in my car now. But that's not nearly the worst of it. Asshole must have utilized whatever sobriety and/or brain cells he/she/it had remaining when it managed to get the majority of its Asshole ass in its own parking space the previous evening. Congratulations.

Mine (the one not parked like an asshole) broke down the other week, and I lacked the will to find out what was wrong with it. So I made plans to put it in neutral and romantically push it into the river, deciding at the last minute whether or not to join it.

In the meantime, I took the bus. Let me tell you, public transportation is not as awesome as say, Seinfeld would have you believe. Cabs and subways and trains. Pfft. In California, it's not hip and urban. What it is is an announcement to the world that you are a huge failure at life. I personally make that announcement in a myriad of other ways. This is overkill.

On the bus, it's me, the cast of Good Morning Meth, and former/future inmate slash penpal Roland. It stops every 5 seconds for some other crackhead to get on. It's just so not cool. There is no way in hell I could even pretend that it was even a teeny bit cool. Not even with a fucking Ipod. To add insult to injury, I do not possess an Ipod.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
lockenkey
Sep. 9th, 2006 05:34 pm (UTC)
poor thing, yes california public is notorius for many things. not a one of them as good. mutter to yourself, that will usually kep the worst away. if not then say your friend (invisible mind you) doesnt like the thoughts t hey are projecting through their mental eyes and it will mace them with 100" soul mace.
as for joining the car dont. there ARE people who would miss you terribly believe it or not. so neah! i see where my phone call went lol oh well i can call you again soon yes?
velouria
Sep. 9th, 2006 06:32 pm (UTC)
our paths never actually cross. just our bumpers. actually, i once saw its shadowy figure come out of an apartment, head for the asshole-mobile, see me, and then stand behind the tree until i left. i do have physical mace. she really ought to be afraid of me.

considering the top half of my previous phone ripped off, i don't have irena's phone number in BFE anymore. you should relay it. but i'm not sure what time to call her since it's 5 days later there.

are you reading this irena? if so, HAPPY DAY BEFORE YOUR BIRTHDAY. go back to reading Metal Hammer now, it's much more educational.


velouria
Sep. 9th, 2006 06:37 pm (UTC)
and yeah you can call me anytime, handsome. it was a fluke that another human being was actually hanging out with me last night, omfg. thank you anthony.
comrade_general
Sep. 9th, 2006 08:41 pm (UTC)
I hated pretty much every form of public transportation outside of New York for reasons you mention above (crackheads, slow), and since I hate driving, I think I'll die in this town.

So yeah, have fun at the river.
velouria
Sep. 9th, 2006 08:52 pm (UTC)
at least we both know where we're going to die. (myself in the river).
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )