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Here's to my big opening.

Is anyone aware of the mechanics of hooking up a skull and crossbones license plate frame to one's vehicle? The eyes are supposed to glow when the running lights are on. I'm trying to turn my car into the Macabre Mobile (having already turned myself into Elvira long ago). Obviously a blue Toyota ECHO does not quite compare to a 58 Thunderbird in terms of macabreness, buy you do what you can. I've got a spiderweb one for the front which should be less involved. But I'll hire you to do that one to while I'm at it. Why not.

The other day, my newly refined neighbor parked directly in the middle of our two spaces. I stared at it for several minutes wondering if she'd done it on purpose, because it's the first time I've ever seen her align the car down the middle of anything. I knocked on her door and stared at her some more. No words were even exchanged before she blurted out that she was sick when she came home, but she was feeling better now so she would come down and move it. Does that mean that she was so sidetracked by her vomitting that she had to park in the middle of our two spaces or something? If so, can I blame my morbid depression on future instances of macing her in the face? I hope so, because I plan on doing just that.

I peered in the windows of her "Touring Edition" Sebring for vomit when she'd left. Negatory. Touring Edition? Touring what, my fucking parking space? 2006 Ghetto Fabulous Tour of Colleen's Carport, feauturing the Harajuku girls. Come one, come all, see the amazing disrespectul neighbor in her Sebring.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 2nd, 2006 03:32 am (UTC)
I love reading all these car stories. I have no equivalent here. Nothing that you use every day and has the potential to kill you in a horrible way, anyway.
Dec. 2nd, 2006 04:49 am (UTC)
buses? lightrail? trains? surely something that could flatten you on its tracks and delay its passengers for hours while they clean your remains off. that occurs here frequently.
Dec. 2nd, 2006 04:53 am (UTC)
It can, but it happens pretty rarely. I suppose I die a little on the inside every time a crackhead gets on a train and pretends to be a lost out-of-towner; that's much more frequent.
Dec. 2nd, 2006 09:34 am (UTC)
1 Jumbo Box-o-screws (preferably black)
2 Large, strong Magnets
6 zippy-ties

The Setup:
zippy-tie the magnets in front of your front tires
back out of your spot
pour box o' screws in your spot. concentrate 'em near the line, but cover the whole spot just for good measure

This is the perfect plan, because she'll get flats and your car will pick up the screws before they become embedded in your tires.

PS. i'm not sure that macing her face would cause you morbid depression as much as cure it.
Dec. 2nd, 2006 05:07 pm (UTC)
i read nearly the entire comment thinking you were desribing how to attach the license plate frame.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )