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Who needs Richard Simmons.

I am on a strict diet of vodka and raisin bread. If I get hungry, I just drink more vodka. This does nothing to fill the void, but simply makes me velusional enough to forget that I am starving.

I exercise by forgetting my cell phone each and every day of my life prior to descending the stairs on my way to work. And I consider the times that I trip and fall down my stairs to be twice the workout.

I'm in the process of coming up with a name for this diet so that I can market it.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
lockenkey
Jul. 27th, 2007 01:12 am (UTC)
real life diet of richard simmons?
velouria
Jul. 27th, 2007 03:13 am (UTC)
i doubt that somehow.
lockenkey
Jul. 27th, 2007 08:29 pm (UTC)
cmon with how he smiles all the time? its because he drinks wolfshcmidt brand vodka, the brand for crazy genderbending weight loss individuals
velouria
Jul. 30th, 2007 03:56 am (UTC)
gee thanks. i've moved on to "volsky" now though.
jonn68
Jul. 30th, 2007 12:40 am (UTC)
you scare me, but in a good way. :)
velouria
Jul. 30th, 2007 03:55 am (UTC)
scaring is caring.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )