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Wednesday's child is full of woe.

I recruited a male friend of mine to go out(side) with me for drinks. He insisted on beginning the night at some douche pub, which was just teeming with large groups of douches. The line at the bar was directly in front of a dart board, which was very much in use. Still, I lived to tell.

He orders an entire pitcher of beer and proceeds to drink it extreeeemely slowly inbetween getting up and wandering off to God knows where for 20 minute periods at a time, leaving me to sit alone on a bench among the douches, playing with my hair and staring past them like this is recess in grades K-12 (plus 6 some years of college) all over again. Each time he leaves, one of the douches will come sit far too close to me and tell me about his douche friend in the camo hat that thinks I'm a cutie. I smile politely and lie about how my friend is my soulmate of many lifetimes. "SHIT, THAT FOOL?" is the continuous reply.

He finally finishes his dumb pitcher and I convince him to walk a few blocks down to Hamburger Mary's, which is a gay bar. He orders me something that tastes like lighter fluid and embarks on yet another 20 minute journey to God knows where. I sit at the bar becoming less and less sober, calmly watching yet another male in a camo hat point at me while he sings kareoke to Prince's Kiss. When the serenade concludes, he practically sits on me, makes banal conversation that I can't hear, expresses shock upon learning that I'm 26 years old, and finally gets pissed and nearly knocks my drink over storming off when I decline to give him my number.

Increasingly weary, I get up and stumble into the bathroom where I encounter an excessively burly looking woman with short, spikey hair and tatted up arms rippling with muslces. I ask her why men are hitting on me, and while I don't specifically recall her verbal response, I very much remember being slapped in the ass by her on her way out of the bathroom.

Feeling violated and sore, I return to the bar to find my friend signing up for some shitty song to kareoke to. I tell him that unless he performs Berlin's Take My Breath Away, (which was available, I checked) we were leaving.

He refused. End scene.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
jonn68
Apr. 16th, 2008 05:32 pm (UTC)
Are camo hats like some sort of douche uniform...how they recognize each other as being part of the same species?
velouria
Apr. 17th, 2008 12:12 am (UTC)
it appears. they are rampant. but we knew that.
jonn68
Apr. 17th, 2008 03:34 am (UTC)
Maybe it's a subspecies....like the dudes who wear untucked white shirts with jeans and high five each other into oblivion.
velouria
Apr. 17th, 2008 05:34 am (UTC)
they were also present, but the hair gel did not allow for camo hats.
comrade_general
Apr. 17th, 2008 04:31 am (UTC)
So, you basically scored. Go you.
velouria
Apr. 17th, 2008 05:33 am (UTC)
i did? i wasn't even aware. not unlike my first time with a man.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )