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Small and white, clean and bright.

A guy from Austria is asking me to be his penpal. He's requested that I correct his English and help him learn more of it. That's very dangerous territory, Austrian guy. I've already caused irreversible damage to at least two Norwegians that I know of. One of them informed me that she's replaced Metal Hammer and all other reputable news sources with my nonsensical ramblings. The overwhelming responsibility keeps me up on many a night.

Everything I know about Austria I've learned from watching the The Sound of Music again and again. To my knowledge, they're all over their twirling around on hills and wearing drapes while they sing Edelweiss. I'm content with this imagery, but perhaps he can expand on it.

On the subject of destroying lives, my sister ran around listing me as a personal reference for a bunch of jobs she applied for without telling me. She gave them my home number, which no one on Earth but telemarketers has, and where my voicemail says, "You've reached the County Morgue. Please leave a detailed description of your corpse for a prompt response." I came home to a half dozen messages of confused mumbling, swearing, and people fumbling around with the phone before hanging up.

Why this task was entrusted to me anyway is not entirely clear. She knows better than anyone what a monolithic retard I am on the phone. The woman will never work in this town again.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
jonn68
May. 5th, 2008 03:33 pm (UTC)
Yeah, the phone is the least favorite part of my job.

I wish I had a machine that helped me to not sound like a cross between Al Roker and an asthmatic Morgan Freeman.
velouria
May. 5th, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC)
in my head, you sounded like maya angelou.
jonn68
May. 5th, 2008 11:41 pm (UTC)
That would be a definite improvement.
jonn68
May. 12th, 2008 04:28 pm (UTC)
Was there a new post recently or did I just imagine that in a sleep-deprived haze?
velouria
May. 12th, 2008 08:26 pm (UTC)
there is no spoon, neo.
jonn68
May. 13th, 2008 03:50 am (UTC)
Dammit! I took the wrong pill, didn't I?
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )