We went back to her home, where I passed out in her 2-year old's bed once her husband came home from work. It was not at all different from my own tiny bed, so I was well accommodated. The 2 year-old put Barney on for me on her plastic television and explained how she would draw a portrait of me on her Magnadoodle while I slipped into vodka-fueled unconsciousness. I am now in love with her and may have to have one of my own. I know it won't be half as cute though. I should probably import one.
My only human contact today was with the guy I bought toilet paper from in the mini-mart. I then stopped at Jack in the Box (I guess brief human contact was made with that chick) and took home stuffed jalepenos where I sat on the couch and watched the Academy Awards whilst sobbing hysterically at everything. Romance montages, Hyundai commercials, Sean Penn not thanking his wife. You name it, it made me cry.
Perhaps I do have a heart after all.