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So it was Secretary's Day. I didn't bring a lunch because I figured they would be having a grand old festival in my honor, as in previous years. Instead, this is what transpires:

8:00 AM: I smile and wave. No one says anything to me.
9:00 AM: Still no one says anything to me
10:00 AM: Boss sends a pompous-ass, passive aggressive email from 3 feet away: How do you intend to handle the 20 minutes from yesterday?
10:00 AM - 10:30 AM: I sit at my desk wondering which 20 minutes he was referring to. The 20 minutes I've been late all of my life, or the 2-hour lunch I take daily?
11:00 AM: Guy across the hall that I call Babylon 5 because he actually has a Babylon 5 quote in his signature comes up to my desk and offers me some of the fancy chocolates he got for Secretary's Day
11:30 AM: Lonely/Hungry
11:45 AM: Half the Branch goes to lunch
11:50 AM: Hear frantic whispering in Boss's office
11:55 AM: Remaining members of Branch present me with a "Thinking of You" card. Two people have signed it "Happy Birthday"
12:01 PM: Yogapants lingers to make accusations about my natural hair color. Asks whether I'm an Asian or an undercover Ginger.
12:02 PM - 1:00 PM: Weep in bathroom stall.
1:00 PM - 4:30 PM: Watch fellow secretaries file by with balloons and flowers
4:30 PM - 4:50 PM: "Handle" whatever 20 minutes Boss wrote of by staying after shift

That brings us to now. My intensive self-pitying is interrupted only by waves of mutilation in which I envision sitting atop my coworkers and stabbing them in the face with a broken vodka bottle. The vodka would be nice, too.

Comments

( 37 comments — Leave a comment )
daddylovebucket
Apr. 23rd, 2009 05:14 am (UTC)
happy administrative assistant day!

*pour me a glass of vodka too please.
velouria
Apr. 23rd, 2009 05:29 am (UTC)
in my dreams, the vodka is in their facial orifices.
hatchelt
Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:48 am (UTC)
12:02 PM - 1:00 PM: Weep in bathroom stall.

You peaked too early.
velouria
Apr. 23rd, 2009 01:22 pm (UTC)
that's peaking? my life is even shittier than i suspected.
hatchelt
Apr. 23rd, 2009 03:04 pm (UTC)
come over here, i'll take care of you...or keep you locked in my shed, i haven't decided yet.
(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 23rd, 2009 05:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchelt - Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchelt - Apr. 23rd, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
velouria
Apr. 23rd, 2009 01:21 pm (UTC)
apparently, it's the 20 minutes i'm late every day of my life.
botrinks
Apr. 23rd, 2009 01:06 pm (UTC)
Please... please tell me you're not.... ginger.

brrrguh.
velouria
Apr. 23rd, 2009 01:22 pm (UTC)
not a ginger.
botrinks
Apr. 23rd, 2009 02:27 pm (UTC)
I hear your words... I want to believe you.... but these gingers are crafty you know.

(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 23rd, 2009 06:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - botrinks - Apr. 23rd, 2009 07:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 24th, 2009 12:13 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchelt - Apr. 23rd, 2009 08:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 25th, 2009 04:04 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchelt - Apr. 25th, 2009 06:14 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 25th, 2009 10:14 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchelt - Apr. 25th, 2009 12:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 25th, 2009 07:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchelt - Apr. 25th, 2009 07:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 25th, 2009 07:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchelt - Apr. 25th, 2009 07:52 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 25th, 2009 07:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchelt - Apr. 25th, 2009 08:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 25th, 2009 08:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hatchelt - Apr. 26th, 2009 06:16 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - velouria - Apr. 26th, 2009 09:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
jonn68
Apr. 23rd, 2009 02:26 pm (UTC)
Vodka is too good for them. Pour rum in their wounds. With a little salt.
velouria
Apr. 24th, 2009 12:12 am (UTC)
how about a margarita? some for me, some for their wounds.
jonn68
Apr. 24th, 2009 03:45 am (UTC)
Excellent plan!
ba_doinger
Nov. 5th, 2009 05:03 pm (UTC)
Hi! I was bored at school and started randomly reading your blog (hard to find good blogging) and this entry made me laugh out loud!!

:D

Sucks that they forgot about you, but this could DEFINITELY be a sitcom!
velouria
Nov. 6th, 2009 10:03 pm (UTC)
hello there. thank you. i wonder who shall play me in this sitcom. better not be fat renee zellweger.
(no subject) - ba_doinger - Nov. 6th, 2009 10:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - velouria - Nov. 6th, 2009 10:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
( 37 comments — Leave a comment )