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Dear Craigslist.

I seriously cannot handle this spider shit anymore. Me and a fucking tarantula just had a 2-hour standoff. He's now under a margarita glass and the heaviest Sylvia Browne book I could find and he's going to stay there until he dies, because we're not having any further contact.

I am at my wit's end. If you are male and within 10 miles of me or so, you can be my boyfriend. You deal with the spiders and I'll do whatever it is girlfriends do - breakfast, anal, whatever.


( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 8th, 2009 12:00 am (UTC)
damn you distance!
Aug. 8th, 2009 01:28 am (UTC)
damn you spiders.
Aug. 8th, 2009 12:37 am (UTC)
tempting... put him out the window, spiders are our friends.
Aug. 8th, 2009 01:27 am (UTC)
not my friend.
Aug. 8th, 2009 02:20 am (UTC)
bleeech i just carried him file miles down the road and then ran screaming all the way back to my house, are you happy?
Aug. 10th, 2009 08:23 am (UTC)
Not until I get my breakfast.
Aug. 8th, 2009 06:32 am (UTC)
You've sold me.
Aug. 9th, 2009 02:50 am (UTC)
can you kill spiders from florida with your mind?
Aug. 9th, 2009 02:53 am (UTC)
Yeah, sure. As long as you look away long enough for it to wander out of view.
Aug. 9th, 2009 03:16 am (UTC)
they just stand there and stare at you until you look away, too.
Aug. 8th, 2009 04:00 pm (UTC)

...the fuck?

Girlfriends do anal? This is news to me. But then I'm whipped.
Aug. 9th, 2009 02:49 am (UTC)
i dunno? write a handbook for me.
Aug. 9th, 2009 03:39 pm (UTC)
"How to Annoy Your Girlfriend 24/7"

Aug. 9th, 2009 01:13 am (UTC)
Your posts pretty much always crack me up -- this one is no exception. :)

Aug. 9th, 2009 02:50 am (UTC)
aw shucks.
Aug. 9th, 2009 03:46 am (UTC)
whoa, hold it. you're local! court adjourned.
Aug. 15th, 2009 02:39 pm (UTC)
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Aug. 15th, 2009 05:11 pm (UTC)
only every moment of every day of my life.
Aug. 15th, 2009 06:13 pm (UTC)
You meet the age requirements so you should join!
Aug. 16th, 2009 05:07 am (UTC)
haha. ha. oh. god.
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )