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Springtime for Hitler and Germany

Found myself in Fair Oaks Village the other day, so went to the little metaphysical store there, 'Blossoming Path.' A beautiful longhaired shoppe cat with one icey blue eye and one golden eye greeted me. I hope it's deaf, though, because the rest of the inhabitants there are insufferable.

Was trying to purchase a little book ('Goddess in Your Pocket') while a woman named Tenderheart (also a Carebear) shreiked and carried on with the cashier who was not cashiering but rather, conversing with Tenderheart for so long that I almost hurled the book at Tenderheart's nose.

I figured that wasn't a very Goddessy thing to do though, so stood patiently by while Tenderheart told Funshine about why they didn't have a public restroom because some disabled could sue for it not being ADA-compliant and "letting someone pee isn't worth shelling out ten grand."

How dare you sully the names of Carebears? I thought to myself fantasizing about grabing Funshine by her gray braid and slamming her head into the table of rose quartz.

I will probably stick with 'Planet Earth Rising' in Folsom even though the staff there follow you around like you're stuffing lotus candles and sage in your pants and bolting for the door.

The best of the best is 'Garden of Enchantment' in Old Sac, but I rarely get there because of the abundance of motorcylce gang rallies and also cobblestones that hurt my fillings and dislodge my uterus when I drive over them while looking for parking that you have to pay for. By the time I've found a space and walked the 2 miles back over the cobblestones to the Garden of Enchantment, I am missing too many reproductive organs and too much dentalwork to be interested in oracle cards and fairy figurines any longer.

Happy St. Patrick's.

This holiday, oy. On my way to get something for dinner at Boston Market, a drunk guy hanging out of the moon roof of a Subaru wearing a green feather boa scream-slurred something at me. His driver leaned on the horn continuously all the way down Fair Oaks Boulevard. Not sure exactly what moon roof guy was scream-slurring, maybe something about his presumed Irish heritage, although he looked like The Situation on Jersey Shore.

Speaking of heritage, I did that 23&Me thing. It came back today and it's not very shocking, says I'm a pastey-ass white person from the UK (Scotland). I knew that already. Should have kept my hundred bucks.

Ugh the cobbler I had for dessert tasted like a ground up Special K granola bar. Anyway.

On April 4th, it will be six years that I've been alcohol-free. It's weird but lately I have OCD thoughts about drinking the way I have them about breaking my diet whenever I try to diet. Next thing I know I'm Door-Dashing Spaghetti Factory to my house and I don't want to be doing that with booze. I mean, Spaghetti Factory is probably killing me just the same as booze would have given me Cirrhosis, but at least I'm not going to get in my Corolla and run over someone after consuming Sicilian cheese bread. I don't think.

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Hello. Happy March. As promised, it's 'in like a lion." Still storming off and on. Last week I was home sick from work with Bronchitis (a winter-long affliction, it seems) and had time to watch the rain and through the screen with Yoda. 

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No Cars Go

Whilst sitting on the backed-up onramp to 5o East this morning from Tulare and Tehachapi back to my Mom's to pick up Yoda, Maxence Cyrin's No Cars Go cover came up on my Spotify.

The sun was out in my hometown after apparent days of storming and streaming down through my windshield onto my face. I leaned forward and gazed at the BMW in front of me.

The song was so gorgeous, it was hard to feel anything but appreciation for life or notice anything but the beauty of the day around me. Very seldom do I ever feel that way, so I wanted to express it.

Here it is in case it makes you feel similar:


The Snow Moon

Tehachapi was prettier and less dismal than I expected, but it was colder than a well-digger's butt (a late Grandma-ism) and raining. I know of no better weather to stand next to a prison sludge pond in. As a result of these harsh conditions, my sign-in sheet got smeared and now there is really no proof that I was ever even there. I do have a Tehachapian Del Taco receipt from earlier that morning though that I can produce if necessary. 🌮

Going back home tomorrow morning. I miss my cat who is currently terrorizing my mom. She managed to clip his claws somehow, which is good news for the fluff in my bedsprings that he pulls out with them nightly. A video I once accidentally managed to sit through on Youtube says that to be closer to God or the core of the Earth or I can't remember what, you should sleep on your floor. Pfffft! I will be there after a couple more of Yoda's fluff-removal sessions anyway. 🐱

Super full moon this Tuesday. I ordered a sick-ass moon coven box (watch https://lucidlivingco.com for the next one in March) and I'm psyched to do a moon dot with Yoda that eve. Even though my Pusheen moon intentions journal is falling apart which I don't appreciate, Hot Topic, we can still do the ritual. 🌕

Blessings to you, reader. Speaking of which, reader, I made it so that sexbots can no longer continue their reign of terror in the comments sections of my entries from 2007. So if you want to say something in response to me, you will have to have a valid, non-sexbot account.

PS. If you're a like the replicant sort of robot from Blade Runner and are capable of falling in love with Harrison Ford or Sean Young, it's okay to post on my entries. You'll just have to make a Livejournal account.

Pink Plague

I am ill at home. Not that I'm ever *anywhere* but work or home, but now I'm ill at home exclusively. It's probably not cool that I'm self-medicating with Super Stuft Oreos and Orange Crush.

I have to go to buttfucking Tehachapi on Valentine's Day for a romantic stroll through prison for a purchase I'm overseeing. Today whilst resting, my manager's manager called my cell to say that her manager said I was asking for too much money in mileage on my travel expense claim? I'm not sure if I remember the convo correctly because I was delirious with fatigue and the plauge, but I think that was the gist of it.

I need to work for a department that A1) doesn't require me to go to prison on Valentine's Day, and B2) well fuck it, A1 is enough logic and reasoning. What's next, Guantanamo Bay on Easter? The more I think that phone call, the more outraged I get at my manager's manager's manager as I sit here all snotty and holding my Himalayan salt healing crystals mentally preparing for my journey into Hell next week.

But that isn't going to help me recover. Positive mental attitude, right?

It is time for stormy weather.

Today I went out into the storm to get sustenance from Raley's. And not the new nearby Raley's either, becuase it is terrible. It is supposed to look like a Sprouts or Whole Foods or one of those places where you can only buy foods that are made from almonds. Blurgh.

So I drove through the harrowing wind and rain down Folsom Boulevard to get to an old-school Raley's where they still sell things I'm not supposed to eat that probably give me kidney stones. I had them over Thanksgiving, beeteedubs. Kidney stones. And they were so awful, I drove myself to the nearest Catholic hospital at 2:00 AM and asked the intake lady to inject me with something lethal. "WHY YOU CRYING?" she snapped at me as she scanned my insurance card and dumped a litany of forms to be completed in my lap. I murmered that "it hurts" and "I don't want to live anymore" while I tried to remember which drug it was that I was allergic to that had blown my lips up outside a Med 7 Urgent Care one night. "WHAT?" she glared at me.

Mercifully, the doctors and nurses who cared for me the 3 days I was admitted were more pleasant. Even the one I projectile vommed potroast and Norcos on after developing a migraine fueled by caffeine withdrawal. A chaplain who was under the impression that I was dying, I guess, came by and offered me a bible and left a card with a prayer by St. Francis. It didn't occur to me until discharge time that I might have acted a little saner to avoid being relocated to psych ward. I started weeping again when I was informed that I shouldn't have parked in the garage lest I wanted to pay hundreds of dollars to get out of it. The nice nurse wrote me a note for the toll-guy and they let me out free of charge.

But now, here I sit eating orange chicken from the Raley's Sizzlin Wok that is probably so high in sodium it could kill me on a bad day. It's not a bad day though. I *do* have to go back to work tomorrow after a few days off over the new year. I hesitantly logged into my work email this morn and was relieved to find that not an awful lot had gone on in my absence that I'll have to deal with upon my return. Just several hundred emails about a blood drive I'm always deemed too gross to participate in going on in a "bloodmobile" in the parking lot.

I *have* made a deal with the DMV and my fam to donate my dead self to science and to anyone who may need my organs (if they are not also deemed to gross for distribution). I figure I will probably end up in that travelling dead body science circus that makes the rounds every summer or so. I just hope I do not retain any resemblance to my former self so that randos attending will look up and go, "I think I remember her from Long's Drugs."

Ah, Longs Drugs. My legacy.

Talking to the Moon

New moon in Capricorn and a solar eclipse this cold & stormy night in January. I haven't done a new moon "dot" or "line" if you count my cat sitting beside me in, well, many moons. I call it the dot or line because it's just us. I used to go to new and full moon circles but just can't be arsed lately. Plus I had made a friend there and she just deleted me one day after we'de done coffee and she'd dragged me to a belly dancing class where I'd nearly lost my life trying to belly dance. I am not sure what I'd done to warrant the deletion aside from dance badly with heavily labored breathing. I think maybe she thought we were dating and we'de failed to make out after a few "dates." So, I don't really want to see her again because awkward. I shouldn't let that ruin moon circles for me, but really I can light candles and sage and resolve to let things go and do new things from here. So:

I intend to (although may not):

  • walk on my breaks instead of work through them

  • drink water in the mornings instead of soda

  • eat lighter at lunch so as to avoid losing all will to be conscious from 1:00 - 4:30 PM.

  • measure out food for myself and my cat so we aren't shoving pasta and Fancy Feast into our faces with reckless abandon

  • leave my hair alone so that it can continue to grow back and out

  • rely upon myself and not others for contentment

The best thing we ever did in a moon circle was plant a sunflower seed in a plastic cup and bless it with love and prosperity. To my surprise it flourished at home for a few months until I somehow managed to kill it. Here it is on the right with my fairy house and garden gnome (who later died during a battle with a gigantic wasp nest in the awning when he was stepped on and crushed in the chaos).

Maybe when the Spring rolls around again, I can get a new gnome and a new sunflower seed and they will actually live.

Dude, I'm Getting a Dell.

My cat knocked my ASUS laptop off the dresser a couple months ago, and it was destroyed upon impact with my hardwood floor. I ordered an old Dell laptop of ebay so I could write more this year without hunching over the Ikea endtable PC in the corner by the drafty window. Maybe I'll have more positive things to say from my position on the couch, or in bed, or maybe one day I'll actually put on pants and go to a coffee shop with my laptop and drink chai and study. Jaykay jaykay, I don't drink tea and I can't concentrate on anything longer than an Onion.com headline (if it has an accompanying picture).

Trying to drink water at present. Got some Arrowhead thinking it might taste better than my "Big Win" water from Rite Aid, but no. Not really. It still is missing corn syrup and red dye and I literally wince when I take a swig like most people would do taking a nasty shot of something alcoholic. "Big Win" reminds me of something stupid our current president would say about meeting with the supreme leader of North Korea. This morning I heard he may not be president much longer, mercifully. I never thought I would miss George W., but now I do. Trump makes me look back upon 9/11 with great fondness.

A Year in Review

2018, like many years before it, pretty much sucked ass. I got more kidney stones over Thanksgiving, 5 years since I had them last, and likely because my doc changed up my meds and put me on Wellbutrin, which, as far as I can tell, is the PCP of antidepressants. I don't think he wanted to hear me complain about being fat for one more session, so he thought we'd try bath salts, I guess. Not only did it make me about 75% insaner than I already was, but it gave me (or brought out my) kidney stones and put me in the hospital for 3 days. I didn't go down to a pier in Florida and eat anyone's face off though, mercifully, but the hospital stay wasn't pleasant for me or anyone else who had to deal with me projectile voming in the hall while tethered to an IV of morphine.

I became a cat mother over the 4th of July, which I do enjoy. Yoda is a good friend and fur companion. He just needs to learn to use the toilet and refrain from going apeshit in the springs under my bed at 5:00 in the morning every morning.

I also dropped my laptop from a lofty surface this year, reducing the touchscreen to deadly shards of glass. So, recently pulled my desktop out from under the IKEA end table I had so intelligently stored it under and hooked it back up. I write this missive to you from it in the corner of my house by the drafty-ass window in December.

I don't remember much else of the year aside from continuously fucking up my hair royally and making very poor dietary choices. 

I'm trying to drink more water because according to science, I'm made from it mostly. I think my veins may actually run seafoam green with Mountain Dew Baja Blast (available exclusively at Taco Bell and Colleen's body) but trying to change that in 2019. 

Wish me luck.



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November 2019


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